Today’s guest post comes from Wildfire Women speaker Ebonie Allard, who is busting these misconceptions we’ve probably all experienced from time to time – and helping us get unstuck.
Take it away Ebonie!
I hear you, you feel overwhelmed, like you’ve never got any time, like you can’t remember who you really are any more and if you’re honest, life feels hard!
But, what if I were to tell you that there are 7 misconceptions that are keeping you stuck?
There may well be many more, but these are the seven biggest misconceptions that I see over and over.
It is my intention to help you get clarity, feel more confident, have greater courage and as a result also be calmer more of the time, so that you can live by your own rules and can truly flourish and thrive.
Misconception 1. Opting out, is freedom.
Here’s the thing, opting out of ‘the system’ is not freedom.
Deciding not to engage isn’t freedom.
Saying that money or wealth is not for the spiritual is just plain silly and ignorant.
The more you have, the more you have to give.
The more involved you are, the more influence you have.
By opting out, you’re avoiding and numbing and you also don’t get to have an opinion. You have to be in it, to win it – and be a part of the community. Being alone in a cave, is not freedom. Learning to co-exist and co-create is freedom.
Making do, surviving – is not thriving, is not freedom.
Becoming aware of your reality, choosing to stop numbing, and instead notice and observe is step 1. Always.
Misconception 2. We all want the same things.
Its just not true. What is attractive and interesting to one person is unappealing and boring to another.
If you don’t like the version of success you see laid out or offered up, change it!
There’s less competition for your dream. I bet your version of success excites the hell out of you! The trick is to find out what that is!!
Get clear on what YOU want. Take ownership of your desire.
Maybe you want something small, but small dream shame is stopping you from even going for that!
It doesn’t need to be world peace or a six -figure salary, it just needs to light you up and switch you on! There is no need to be ashamed of that!!
Misconception 3. There are good thoughts and feelings and bad thoughts and feelings.
Here’s the thing, feelings and thoughts are not ‘good’ or ‘bad.’
There are just thoughts and feelings.
How we label them, and what we believe about them can be healthy and empowering or unhealthy and limiting.
A belief is just something we accept to be true.
I often ask my clients “assumption or fact?’ when they present a truism to me.
Free will is about choosing better feeling thoughts and being clear on what you have control over! You have power over your thoughts, beliefs, behaviour, actions and reactions – and NO ONE ELSEs’!
Its not about being deluded or fluffy and only choosing pacifying thoughts, but about reframing our limiting beliefs and choosing to look from another angle or perspective.
Misconception 4. The more I give, the more I get.
It’s just not true. Stop being a martyr, stop working so damn hard, stop giving too much of yourself.
This isn’t about being apathetic either or waiting for someone to hand you everything on a platter.
The truth is that apathy breeds doubt and action breeds clarity, but you must take care of yourself, have fun, have boundaries, and know when to create space.
If there is no space, you cannot receive, you cannot allow, there is no room for you to BE.
Knowing when to DO and strive and concentrate on output, and when to BE and allow, focus on the moment to moment.
Knowing how to hear and trust your inner knowing and guidance system on this allows you to work smart not hard. To offer value for money not time for money.
The truth is, the more you allow in, the more you receive – AND it’s a equal effort between inward and outward force or energy that creates balance and stability.
Misconception 5. Life is happening TO you.
The truth is that it is happening FOR you. Each stimulus or circumstance is an invitation to respond. Each new challenge an invitation to take ownership of your life.
To be accountable. To become the kind of person who has the kind of life you desire.
When we ask better questions, we can move from a place of victimhood and lack to a place of appreciation and abundance.
Again, its just a reframe, the power is in the reframe.
Misconception 6. Your worth is determined by external factors.
Your worth is not determined by your clients, the marketplace, your partner, social standing, education, appearance or anything else outside of you.
The truth is your worth is determined by what you ask for, and you must ask for what you want.
You deserve and are worth exactly what you say you are! (with your words and your actions.)
You must be clear, have singular focus, champion and believe in yourself!!
Misconception 7. You’re not xxx enough.
Good enough, thin enough, young enough, clever enough, rich enough, happy enough, whatever enough, enough enough!!!
Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t and start loving yourself for everything you already are!
The truth is that until you look at and embrace all of who you are, warts, shadows, quirks and all you’re still going to be feeling icky.
You need to nurture and accept all of who you are and appreciate yourself even when those around you don’t.
And when you have navigated your way through all of these misconceptions, the last misconception is that you know it all and that’s all it takes!
The truth is that life is cycle upon cycle of learning these things with more depth and a greater understanding first of oneself and then of each other!